I get a lot of emails from women who are in a very common and extremely painful situation: they’re hung up on or involved with married men. A lot of them tell me that the reason they can’t let go is because the man is in a “bad” marriage or that the wife is even downright abusive.
If you can relate to this, there’s something you need to know. No matter how wonderful a man is, the ONLY thing that counts is whether or not he wants to be with YOU – permanently and fully. Moreover, a man who stays with an abusive woman wants – on some deep level – to be abused.
This means that if you are a nice, good woman, even if he were to leave his wife he would not be attracted to you and the stability you provide. Can you see this? It’s similar to the way many women are attracted to “bad boys” and abusive men.
On an intellectual level, he knows it’s awful and you’re good and kind and sweet, but on a subconscious, visceral level he wants to be abused. It turns him on in some way. It’s not healthy – but then you know that.
You’re Never Too Old For The Relationship You Want
Recently I got an email from a woman in the exact same situation I describe above – she was in love with a married man who was in a miserable, abusive marriage. She was also in her sixties and so was despairing that love was going to pass her by and that this married man was her only chance for romance.
If you can relate to her, I want you to know this important fact: you have plenty of time. I’ve worked with many women in their sixties who’ve found love – and much more quickly than you’d imagine.
Online dating is a brilliant way to meet many men. Also forget the bars and find things men do – golf, sports bars, sporting events, classes, lectures, computer classes…stuff like that that interests you.
And if you live in a town that makes finding a good pool of men impossible, then you must consider moving.
Balancing The Masculine And Feminine
What you want to do is get your inner “boy” in gear to get you out there, proactively – out of the house, up on dating sites, at singles events and salsa dancing and speed dating.
But then the key is being able to shift from the “doing” masculine energy into the female “feeling” energy that is within you. This is what is extremely attractive – even irresistible – to a man.
That means that once you are out, you simply let yourself enjoy your surroundings and be fully present. You focus on the experience: if you’re at a coffee bar, you really feel the foam of the cappuccino on your lips. You take it all in. You lean back and let men approach you. You let things happen and unfold naturally rather than jumping in and taking control.
I know that once you get yourself out there and start letting men approach you – even the ones you might want to disregard right off the bat – your self confidence will get an enormous boost and you will feel so much more attractive.
More importantly, you will break your dependence on a married man who can never give you what you want…and open yourself up to receiving all the love you deserve from a man who can.